


Falling In Love

by QuietArtemis



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Feels, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, Quote, Requited Love, Sad Crowley (Good Omens), Unrequited Love, will i ever write happy fics? probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietArtemis/pseuds/QuietArtemis
Summary: A story of falls and love. There is a reason why we say "falling in love", not "rising into love".
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Kudos: 34





	Falling In Love

If you asked Crowley what made him fall in love with Aziraphale, he really couldn’t say…

Was it the angel’s smile?

The spark of Heavenly light in his eyes?

Gentle curves of his body?

Soft locks of white hair?

Was it the stubbornness?

Was it the love Aziraphale radiated with?

Or maybe it was the clever mind that sought to protect what Aziraphale cared about without directly disobeying orders?

He really, really couldn’t say.

If you asked Crowley how long he loved this human-shaped being of an angel, he’d most likely ignore you and you’d think it must have happened at their first meeting in Eden.

You’d be partially correct. It _**was** _love at first sight. Except, they met long before that and for as long as they did, Crowley’s little heart was beating only for Aziraphale.

It’s hard to estimate time when there was no time. You see, only physical world has a concept of it. There’s no need to count time in Heaven since there’s only Eternity and who’d bother counting hours of it?

The concept of time was born when the Earth was. Or… some time around that. Anyways, it was there when Adam and Eve arrived, and the Heavenly Host had to adjust to keep track of Earthly events and help humans.

Crowley invented it, by the way. It was an accident when he was creating stars and planets around them, but kept it since it was a nifty thing to be able to measure how they grow and change. God liked it, too.

After the Universe was born and God was thinking of Her new project (it wasn’t known to the angels what She was inventing), Crowley met Aziraphale.

Back then, he was known not as Crowley but as Raphael.

Aziraphale was a Principality and Raphael was just an Archangel. Despite of what Gabriel made Aziraphale believe, Archangels ranked below Principalities. As such, Raphael had no business interacting with Aziraphale who wasn’t even given a position yet. As soon as their eyes met, Raphael felt something warm in his heart. It was like love he felt for his brothers and sisters, except it was different. More vibrant. Stronger. It was a tidal wave of something new and beautiful.

Raphael watched the stunning Principality from afar, hoping there’d be some sort of opportunity for them to talk.

There never was. Raphael was busy healing and teaching, and creating stars while Aziraphale spent his days among his friends.

The Archangel wanted to badly to be in that group. It was ugly, the feeling of jealousy when Aziraphale would smile and talk to them, but Raphael never held a grudge. It couldn’t be helped that they were of different ranks and positions and that Raphael was unappealing to the Principality.

In the end it just hurt.

It went on and on until the time they talked. That happened after God decided to make humans and Earth. It was a conversation that Raphael remembered very well even after he became Crowley.

“Oh, such beautiful light! And those splatters of colors in the void… You make such wondrous things,” Aziraphale said, enthralled, startling Raphael.

“T-thank you…” the Archangel said, blushing like a rose. “The lights are stars and the colors are nebulas. I created them and God liked them enough to let me make more of them.”

“I see…” Aziraphale sighed, looking at Raphael’s creations. “You’re a true artist! How did you think of creating these?”

“I… I don’t know. I got bored with painting and sculpting, so I wanted to make something different. God showed me the void and told me to make it beautiful. So I did my best.”

“She knew who to ask,” Aziraphale nodded.

“Would you like to help me create some?”

“Oh, no, I’d rather watch…”

“Then… let me make a couple for you.” he grinned and Aziraphale blushed, nodding.

It was then that Alpha Centauri was made. Raphael would never admit out loud why was it two stars orbiting one another. It had a deeper meaning only he’d understand.

After that moment, they occasionally spent time together. Raphael’s love grew and grew until it felt like something he can’t contain. Every smile and every laugh Aziraphale made meant the world to him. The Principality praised often his creativity and quick mind, and poor Archangel was starved for Aziraphale’s attention.

He returned praises and compliments, sometimes making the other blush. It was precious to see the other angel blush so fetchingly.

“I love you,” Raphael said one day, looking in those blue eyes.

“I love you too, dear Raphael,” Aziraphale said but the Archangel realized the Principality didn’t quite understand his meaning.

“No… No, I love you… deeper. More than other angels. It feels like a different kind of love. One I feel for them is warm and familiar. One I feel for you is like fire - burning and hot, and almost too much but also not enough.”

Aziraphale frowned and pulled away.

“Raphael, God made this kind of love for humans, not angels. You can’t love me like that,” the Principality said, shattering Raphael’s heart to pieces.

“But I do! I can’t help it!” he sobbed, feeling hot tears run down his cheeks for the first time in his endless existence. “I didn’t ask for it!”

“Well, then stop. We’re angels, not humans. You’re different from other angels, but I didn’t think you’re that much so,” Aziraphale said, twisting the invisible knife going right through the Archangel’s chest. “I’m sorry to be the cause of your suffering. Feel better.”

Just like that the Principality walked away, leaving the sobbing Raphael where he stood. 

In his pain, he cried out to God, asking why did she made him different? Why did he feel human love? Why did She make him love someone who doesn’t feel the same in return?

In Her anger with Samael questioning Her decisions, she punished Raphael too, making them both Fall. Someone from the future pondered about love and falls like this:

_ Well now, really, when we go back to falling in love and say it’s crazy. _

_ Falling. _

_ We don’t say rising into love. _

_ There is in it, the idea of the fall. _

_ And it goes back, as a matter of fact, to extremely fundamental things.  _

_ That there is always a curious tie at some point between the fall and the creation. _

Little did they know that an Archangel named Raphael happened to be inventor of that idea and that first romantic love was also unrequited one. It was a Fall that cost an Archangel his Grace, but gave humanity knowledge and helped it flourish. Subconsciously, the humans chose this phrase as a homage to that first love and the broken heart of half-forgotten angel.

Now, first as Crawley and then Crowley, he stumbled into Aziraphale often, but the Principality didn’t seem to recognize him. They were acquaintances first, then sort-of business partners and then friends.

Their relationship wasn’t flawless.

For every step forward, Aziraphale took another backward.

For every indication they are friends, the Principality would deny their relationship.

For every small “temptation” of dinner together, Aziraphale would take decades to see him again.

It was a long, painful dance where Crowley was giving and Aziraphale was taking. The demon asked for nothing in return and the Principality didn’t offer it, too. Besides, it wasn’t like Aziraphale only had him - he had human friends and lovers who offered him things Crowley wouldn’t dream to offer. He wanted to burn them to ashes for having what he’d never be able to - Aziraphale’s heart.

He didn’t, of course. He’d never bring his angel any grief.

Apocalypse-that-wasn’t was what changed everything. It nearly broke their friendship, had them both permanently eradicated from existence and… left them without a purpose.

Except, Crowley did have a purpose - it was keeping Aziraphale happy and entertaining him without making it obvious how deeply he feels for him. The intervals between one dinner and another, the demon spent alone in his flat, drinking himself to sleep.

It was one of those slow, dull days where he had nothing to do except drinking. Crowley sat in his throne like a king with no kingdom, crying quietly. Neither Heaven nor Hell, neither God nor Aziraphale wanted him. Not really. He was useless and worthless, and he had no purpose in life, but to cater to wishes of one fussy angel who’d never love him back.

As he was wallowing in his misery, his phone started ringing. It was Aziraphale, of course.

He picked it up without hesitation.

“‘lo?” he mumbled, very drunk and sad. Crowley wasn’t in the mood for conversations but he had to make sure his angel is all right.

“Oh, Crowley! Hi!” responded a cheerful voice. “Wait… Are you drunk?”

“Well, yeah…” the demon said, taking a large gulp of whiskey. “What’d you wan’, angel?”

“I just hoped we’d go somewhere together tonight. It’s such a nice day! But it seems like you’ll be sleeping it off by then…”

“S’rry… I’m trash company today,” Crowley mumbled, miserable that he won’t be able to spend the evening with Aziraphale. If he went, his bad mood would show and unnecessarily affect his angel.

“Oh, Crowley… You’re always a good company. A great friend. Better than I was to you…” the Principality sighed.

“Wha’! No… Angel… You’re good. You’re so good…”

“I’m really not. We both know that. Is it okay if I come see you now?”

“I’m drunk.”

“I don’t mind. Please?”

“‘Kay… Jus’ come soon.”

It took Aziraphale less than 15 minutes to get there.

“Oh, Crowley…” was the first thing the angel said, in that sad voice of his that made Crowley angry with himself for upsetting Aziraphale.

“I’m good. I’m fine…”

“No, you’re not! Tell me what is it about? I noticed recently that you’re very sad. I don’t think it’s leaving Hell behind that’s affecting you so, therefore I dare to guess it’s about me.”

In his drunken condition, Crowley’s usual secrecy went off somewhere and left his stupid mouth unguarded.

“I love you!” he wept, just like that day in Heaven. “I love you and it’s stupid, because I’m a demon. Demons don’t love. Angels don’t love either, didn’t you say that? Why am I punished with this horrible feeling! What did I ever do to deserve this punishment!”

There was silence in the room, but Crowley could almost hear gears click into place in Aziraphale’s head.

The angel looked panicked, making the demon nearly jump out of his chair and ungracefully fall to the floor.

“Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me again… You asked and I answered your question. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I tried to stop as you asked back then. I don’t know why I can’t! Your friendship means the world to me. Even more than that! Just… please, don’t leave me.”

“Oh, Crowley…” Aziraphale whispered, kneeling besides him and pulling the demon in his lap. “The pain I wrought upon you… It’s unforgivable. I’m so sorry… I was so selfish. I denied my feelings for you for so long to protect myself and I didn’t bother to look how my careless words affect you.”

“‘S fine..” Crowley mumbled, pressed to the angel’s chest and feeling more like he’s in Heaven than any demon has a right to.

“It’s really not,” the angel said sadly. “I hurt you so much. And what I said wasn’t even true. I do love you. I did even back then in Heaven. I was just… so afraid. You always were the more courageous one. I was scared other angels would frown upon us for loving like humans do. Is that not why you Fell, too?”

“I Fell because I questioned…” Crowley whispered. “I should’ve known better than to question why She gave me this gift of love, but after you rejected me I was in so much pain. I thought you’d love me back and that She’d never make a love that’s one-sided and painful.”

“She didn’t,” Aziraphale shook his head. “It was all me and my fears. If it wasn’t for my cowardice, you’d be an Archangel still.”

“We can’t know that,” Crowley argued, but they both knew Aziraphale was right. Raphael had no other reason to question or oppose God.

“I love you,” the angel confessed again after a moment of silence. It was a bittersweet moment. Part of Crowley’s heart wanted to be vindictive and say something cruel like he heard before, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

“I love you, too,” the demon said, resting his head against the crook of Aziraphale’s neck.

Soft lips kissed Crowley’s forehead, sending the demon to restful sleep. He was exhausted from crying, drinking and all that emotional rollercoaster he felt. It took Aziraphale only a tiny miracle to make the demon fall asleep and give him beautiful dreams.

“I’ll make it up to you for all the times I hurt you, I promise,” the angel whispered in Crowley’s ear. With another miracle, he moved the both of them to bed so he wouldn’t wake his demon. Crowley, meanwhile, slept like a baby, listening to Aziraphale’s heartbeat, content and relaxed like never before. “And then, I’ll reciprocate for every act of kindness you did. And after that, I’ll keep on doing my best to make you happy just like you did all this time. I’ll love and cherish you for the rest of eternity and nothing will stand in my way”

The demon didn’t hear those promises, but he smiled softly as though he did.


End file.
